Hang on to your pants, bitches. Tonight I bust out the Matthew McConaughey voice. #letstakeourshirtsoff

Just had a 3-way with two hot electric guitars. My whammy bar is so sore. #fingerpicking #soundhole #triplet

By request, here is a picture of my ass. yfrog.com/kkr4rypj

I always wear a helmet on my bone, even while I'm Master Skatin'. #code #RSA yfrog.com/ocyr8eoj

Dear Craig Ferguson Geoff Peterson We were recently at an apple farm in NY and Wilford Brimley was driving the tracto twitpic.com/72fxxf

"The night the 'potato eater' became the brain eater." #zombievangogh

Cool @geofftherobot birthday cupcakes made by @justjenndesigns!

RT @katevhgibson: you know you've made it when JB from Randy Crabtree dresses up as you for Halloween: pic.x.com/tvtFzuJT"

RT Caroline: hey! I saw you in LA too! instagr.am/p/SBDgD/"

Tonight, Alfred Molina will work me like a puppet. #sorrymrsmolina

Tom Lennon of "Reno 911" voices me tonight. He had to--Eddie Murphy just quit.

The great Larry King voices me tonight. Expect me to say "pastrami" five thousand times.

Louie Anderson is today's Robot Du Jour. So glad I got my sarcasm chip upgraded.

2nite, Lauren Graham will work my controls. That is, if we can get that mustard cleaned off in time. Ever heard of a napkin, Larry King?

Tonight on The Late Late Show, I show Paula Poundstone the meaning of "career low-point".

Tonight I'm voiced by @angelakinsey. No relation to Dr. Alfred Kinsey, but I'm sure Craig will ask her plenty of sex questions anyway.

Tonight's me is Jason Schwartzman. Or as I like to call him, "Schwartz THE Man". He hates that.

Tonight's guest voice is Shadoe Stevens. He's already under contract, so he couldn't say no.

Thx 411mania.com/Two TiVos to Paradise for naming me an Entertainer of the Year. So glad u guys have never heard of George Clooney.