nonverbal phone time but our legs are touching so we're there for each other

"She's literally the villain, you're not supposed to agree with her!" - me to my media illiterate divorce lawyer

Himesh Patel has been cast in Ryan Coogler's ‘X-FILES’ series alongside Danielle Deadwyler. (Source: Deadline)

he thought the butter was gonna season the stone! he MAD!!

Oh so it’s like rock sauce

in bed before 11. fish plush at her side. in her lane. soft. thriving

Mitch McConnell every couple months:

Me, 9 seconds after sitting to write

The Joker was throwing heat while playing baseball in prison in 1966.

The Devil 13 years ago

*seeing my rival knight all the way across the field of battle and guffawing* the foolish knave, he hath been shrunk by foul sorcery! *he rides towards me and gets closer and i gasp* by the king

When you see your taxes being spent on feeding children instead of bombing them.

Whitaker cut the wedding ring off that man's hand and now his wife is getting into the passenger seat so Whitaker can drive the truck home. that's like what the villain in a victorian era novel does. i know the guy's ghost is going fucking crazy.

If Ted Williams saw sengas ghost fork he’d be like “woah what the fuck?” Then he’d take 3 more pitches and walk to first

Wake up!! I hit double digits!! 🤫🤔

Oh for goodness sake.

My god Burt Lancaster was a force of magic

me trying to see Digger earlier

teams like the White Sox, Rockies, Marlins, Pirates, may annually suck, but they don't have the added torture of every team/fanbase/media outlet also fucking tempting you to kill yourself like the Mets do