I’m not proud of who I become when I’m overly tired AND hungry.

Play is so important.

A little bit goes a long way.

All my attention in exchange for all your adoration?

Women love men with grey hair becuase it means we are about to die

What you doing for the weekend?

Me: Just wrecking some shit.

When he’s super funny, buys me all the snacks, and is obsessed with me.

Calm down, we’re all on twitter. We’ve all wasted our lives. We’re all watching tentacle porn with a guy named Hunter in a Kia Sorento. Wait, what?

Generally, I think social media is like the machine gun, an innovation that has no upside -- but I have to admit this here remix is awesome

“No Babies Allowed”😂
The NBA in the 80’s & 90’s😏🏀

Some days all I really need is a shoulder to rest my legs on.

Oh no, I have Freddy Mercury poisoning.

What? That’s what it means, right?

I've never applied makeup while driving, but I have eaten an entire rotisserie chicken.

Me: Talk dirty to me, baby.

Him: (sound up)

A Fuck up your sleep schedule to talk to me longer kinda guy

You have thigh gap, I have bra gap.

Baby, we ain’t the same.

Not now, telling ghost stories.

I'm fatter and cuter in my 40s than I was in my 20s 😎

We Southern gals say everything better.