I’ve been on this website for a decade and if I had a nickel for every time the narrative was “it’s bad here” I could probably also afford to buy Twitter

The monthly comedy show I co-produce with Andrew is this Friday. We have a great lineup of comics booked and we'll also have a few giveaways at the end. Don't miss this one.

People are asking if I have any holiday decorations up yet, I haven’t even finished changing all the clocks back an hour

People say that men who like astrology are wh*res, but I just want to know about all my stats and abilities

It’s been at least a couple years since that cat hashtag thing I did. I love having a cat. This guy rules. Legitimately no regrets at all.

He’s 1. Soft 2. Funny 3. A dickhead, but in a good way 4. A big bitch 5. I love him

Sometimes I get paranoid that I’m doing a bad job as a pet haver but this dumbass was gonna be alive no matter what choice I made and I feed him, play with him, and scratch his stupid head all the time so truly how much worse could he have had it?

I was a guest on the latest Haunts R Us Podcast podcast! We discussed some popular tales about selling your soul to the devil. It was fun, check it out!

DMX gave these Scottish farmers the wrong idea when he told them “fuck what you heard”

Watching a video about mythicals. Narrator is being condescending about unicorns. “We know now that the horns came from narwhals, because OBVIOUSLY unicorns aren’t real.” Like damn, facts. Only an idiot would think those were horse horns. We all know horns only come from whales

I get heated when the restroom code is too easy. Like, first you tell me you don’t trust me. Now you’re telling me I’m too dumb to remember 12345? I don’t even want this chicken sandwich anymore!!!

My comedy career would be way further along if I didn’t spend so much time sleeping with giant lizard monsters. I really need to quit dragon ass

Gf keeps saying “hullabaloo” when she means to be saying “rigamarole.” Not sure how to proceed.

What a fucking nightmare, dude