In school, we’re still having end of term, in-class Christmas parties - but to be on the safe side, we’re calling them ‘business meetings’ and there will only be cheese and wine gums...

My mum’s a retired ex-teacher. She’s 93. In January, I’ve provisionally timetabled her to cover Year 6 PE and Computing.

Good news! My 93-year-old, ex-teacher mum has now agreed to teach full time in January. Here’s the timetable she’s planned for Week One:

My 93-year-old, ex-teacher mum said her first week back in school was ‘lovely, but chilly.’ Here’s her planning for WEEK TWO:

Finally, I have it! The Sue Gray Report...circa 1974. Have a read...

Discovered the Downing Street version of that word game. It's called TURDLE.

We never have enough money in the school budget, but when we do have to pay for things, it’s now like a James Bond secret mission. 'From NatWest with Love?'

UPDATE - This year’s SATs have been rebranded the SHATs (Shouldn’t Happen Assessment Tasks) and the first paper has been leaked. Take a look:

NEW LEAK - This year’s Y1 Phonics Screener has been amended by a jaded test setter to reflect the vibe of 2022. Take a look at the Phonics Screamer:

To channel wordsmith Susie Dent – Word of the day is ‘fabricant’ (21st century politician): to talk out of your arse, particularly about teachers and nurses.

For our SATs Breakfasts next week, we’re having the Reading Paper on toast, the Maths Papers with milk and the SPAG Paper with Bolognese sauce. It’s a healthier diet than testing.

Great to see an email from the National Association of Head Teachers that’s supporting Year 6 end of term leaving events. NAHT

I’ve been happily married for over 20 years, but last month I tried speed dating...to recruit an ECT for my school. Here’s my piece in Headteacher Mag The HeadTeacher about looking for that perfect long-term relationship:

Please, please lead the Department for Education cleverly, Cleverly. James Cleverly🇬🇧

Leading the DfE cleverly, Mr Cleverly, includes rethinking the whole Andrea Jenkyns appointment thing. A nice gesture in exchange for a nasty one… James Cleverly🇬🇧

Last year I went to ‘the dark side’ for a bit – on secondment as a local authority school inspector. I’m fine now. Here’s what I discovered: theheadteacher.com/attainment-and…

Presumably, now that Sir Gavin Williamson CBE MP is a minister ‘without portfolio,’ it’s only a matter of time before he’s sacked again for accidentally turning up to a meeting holding a portfolio?

Just 15 days...and turns out Sir Gavin Williamson CBE MP actually had a portfolio stuffed with all sorts of unsavoury things...

The curse of LANYARD JUMPER BOBBLE. A thread...then another thread...and then another. Aargh!

LATEST LEAK - The Y1 Phonics Screener has been amended again this year by a jaded test setter to reflect the education vibe of 2023. Take a look at the Phonics SCREAMER: