Hi! It’s been a long time since I’ve been on this machine. Can I still post nudes?

I totally forgot I had a Twitter. Prepare yourself.

The president is who he is. He has not changed. He will not change. The question that remains unanswered is: who are we as Americans?

Trump should wear a mask. Then I wouldn’t have to look at his fat, vapid, empty, pugnacious face. Or at least I wouldn’t have to look at half of it.

Trump has royally fucked up this country.

Ahhh! Probably the most favorite lingerie I have ever owned! You’re welcome.

Literally just proposed to the love of my life with a Diablo Sauce packet. He said no… Taco Bell , will you say yes to mild and hot through thick and thin?

Welp, i think after two weeks I may have lost this battle. Thanks for having malfunctioning tech that ruins lives. Meta Instagram

“They say a man can only be alone for so long before the man’s mind is gone” - I.C.P. #insaneclownposse #violentj #shaggy2dope #juggalo #juggalos #juggalo #darkcarnival

Sam Smith, who is "body positive" and uses "they/them" pronouns, tries crowd surfing. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

As a continually traveling artist, your new shit is bunk netflix⁷ …

Mic check... Does anyone hear me? Exciting things coming up and I forgot about this platform entirely.

I've never wanted to suck Garth Brooks dick harder than tonight. 💎

Having an 8week #bullterrier is the equivalent to having a newborn I'm convinced.

Catch me if you can!

I wonder how many y'all gonna die trying to go viral with your hurricane videos. #gtfo #IrmaHurricane2017

GOD SAVE ALL THE KEY LIME PIES!

Pretty sure most people say there are no original acts in #burlesque ... but, I'm going to take… instagram.com/p/BZB1KoKFju6/

Yo, Southwest Airlines Your flight staff shouldn't make jokes about emergency procedures. Love, a chick that almost died 2 yrs ago on your plane.

Pretty sure China is just playing the Westworld theme song during the women’s hockey medal ceremony. Just sayin’.