[trump voice] they’re calling her moo deng-very small, very slimey. i call her who deng. people think it’s because i don’t know who she is. i know. it’s just a little nickname i call her, who is she really anyway? they say she’s a hippo but i don’t know, i don’t know

People who fall asleep as soon as their head touches the pillow. They’re who I’m jealous of.

i've never seen him delete a post before. the feds mustve been banging on his door like crazy lol

oh so you want to abolish the police, smart guy? who you gonna call next time you need four assholes with pensions and overtime to shoot up a subway car in pursuit of a $2.90 fare jumper then, eh? think about that, buddy

My therapist: “a photo of a fat little Pygmy hippo canNOT fix you” *shows her this photo* My therapist: “congratulations on your breakthrough”

“Turns out jokes are way less funny when I tell them to people I’m not paying.”

Every. Single. Time

“I can’t believe police killed someone over $3” they kill people over nothing

"abandoned" is a funny way of saying "we killed their parents"

I know pretty privilege is real because hippos are the world’s deadliest land mammal and yet here we all are staring at her mug. This is the skin of a killer, Bella.

Well maybe they should.

You write one tweet about What We Do In The Shadows and suddenly your whole TL is about Buffy

Bought a tshirt the other day that says “don’t let the cat out or the cops in” and I have never wanted anything to be posted so quickly

Just gonna take Moo Deng pictures next time I do therapy and hope for the best

and i will probably do it again ❤️