Bert here. I have been at the Biloxi Hard Rock gambling away my hard earned pension.

What a year to be a Rita man…remember my days on the gridiron…. Nothing like it… Heads up gentlemen you’ve made your alumni proud. Anyways… no one at Brother Rice knows how to read so who really won??? #GoMustangs

IHSA runs through the CCL 6A champs: Fenwick Friars 7A champs: Brother Rice Crusaders 8A champs: Mount Carmel Caravan #CCLStrong

Any suggestions as to how I might get a rat colony out of my air duct? My bitch sister says I am not allowed to send my nephew in with hairspray and a lighter. #Funcle

This guy is a thug. Can promise you if my pads still fit I’d give him a run for his money. #GoRita

Nick Saban: oh god oh fuck players are getting paid now I have to retire immediately and complain about it on TV for the rest of my life Curt Cignetti: here’s my army of 3 star recruits. I turned them all into millionaires. They’re going to castrate you.

Ben Johnson after becoming head coach of the 5-12 Bears…

Packers and Bears with the division on the line

Bears are gonna do it this year.

IM NOT CRYING, YOU ARE 🥲

The Super Bowl America ACTUALLY wants

I do not want Venezuela I do not want Greenland. I do not want Cuba. I do not want Canada. I do not want Mexico. I just want a Bears Super Bowl championship

My wife came up to me this morning, furious. She pointed towards her pyjamas and told me that while she slept, our cats shit on her stomach. I kept silent. What my wife doesn’t know is that it wasn’t the cats; It was me. After playing League of Legends for 17 hours

Powell summoning legions of bond traders to steepen the yield curve to Valhalla.

Bert here. Cholesterol maxxing

Bert here. In enemy territory. The bartender does not understand how grave of an issue he has on his hands with yours truly. #GoMustangs #Rita

On this day in history in 2014, NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio dropped the groundhog, sending it into freefall. “Staten Island Chuck” died 7 days later of internal injuries. Chuck's death was concealed by zoo officials in a massive coverup that became known as “Groundhog gate”.

Giving this a listen. Will try out what I learned at the local watering hole. #porking

A tarot card reading just told me my wife is Bert Ferkle’s sister

Really missing the guys in high school who only hung out with when vaping in the bathroom. Went to hell and back with those guys. Hope they’re doing well