Some films you won't be back in time for

Look, there's a Kath Kitson at #londonbridge, you can spend the four hours waiting for your train buying twee tat. Makes up for everything, eh?

Passengers advised to check the destination on the front of your service as that's the only way you'll find out where it's going

Passengers wishing to know how to get home advised to guess

Passengers advised that a branch fell on a cable, delays across the network expected forever

Passengers advised that services will stop at stations at the desertion of the driver

Passengers advised that the cancelled 1535 #londonbridge to #brighton service left on time. Seriously.

Filming begins on Avatar sequel after James Cameron completes construction of planet screen-idle.com/filming-begins… #avatar

Review – Escape Plan 2 screen-idle.com/review-escape-…

New Lords of the Rings TV show to have 562 endings and go on until the end of time screen-idle.com/new-lords-of-t… #LordOfTheRings

The time Gene Kelly was forced to remove gangster rap sequence from Singin’ in the Rain screen-idle.com/the-time-gene-…

The time Godfather part III was a hilarious time-travel comedy screen-idle.com/the-time-godfa… The Godfather

I think we're doing the same timetable as last week. Not sure though, we'll see.

1, Hello, I'm Neil, I do BadSouthernRail and I think it's time to stop. Obviously, the trains are still a load of shocking old rubbish but I've just run out of funny things to say about them. So, best to quit while I'm ahead

2, Thanks for following, liking and retweeting. I hope you’ve been mildly amused during those miserable times sat inexplicably outside Gatwick Airport. I'll keep the account open, if I get inspired again I may re-emerge in the future

3, I should plug some other stuff I do because there's ten thousand of you, and leveraging your social media presence is what you're supposed to do.

4, If you like movies, then I run the movie news spoof site Screen Idle which you can find on Twitter and Facebook. Podcasts I’ve made include Directors Commentary and Cooper (V. Sweary) that can be found on iTunes and other pod places

5, Now, the next tweet is for the people run this company. Prior to this, this has always been a family account with no swearing. So, if you don't like bad language then perhaps give the next tweet a miss

6, To all politicians and managers who run this misbegotten shitshow - your greed, incompetence and callousness have ruined lives. On behalf of everyone forced to endure your daily cockwittery - GO FUCK YOURSELVES YOU FUCK-FACED FUCKHEADS

Passengers advised that, much like a Southern Rail train, BadSouthernRail has unexpectedly stopped