“This paper is really two papers. But maybe it should be zero papers.”

Good night Twitter x

James Corden

I used to wonder why adults were obsessed with having a glass of wine, but now I get it. It’s due to the agonies

Great news! You might remember that I rebuilt a fox den and set up cameras earlier this year in the hope that a fox family would move in. Well they have and here are the first moments captured by my cameras this morning.

People that eat yogurt need to relax. Stop scraping the bottom 27 times. Its blueberry yogurt not crack.

Excellent dinner break debate in the Lords this evening on Cass. Special shout out to Labour’s Lord Young of Norwood Green who spoke from the heart to call out this, in his words, ‘cult’. The right side of history is now.

Look at that little princess

The DWP has ordered a 92-year-old woman with advanced Parkinson’s to repay more than £7,000 for a tiny benefits oversight five years ago - when she was in the early stages of dementia

Full story: theguardian.com/society/2024/a…

Good lord this is grim.

for every western weeb I feel like there is a japanese guy who is like no I'm gonna be a cowboy now, I love jamaican dancehall more than anything in the world, I am going to go fight in the soviet-afghan war.

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I love it when a plan comes together. They thought they could silence me by charging TEN GRAND for a page in the London Mayor booklet. And then they went and put my name slap-bang on the cover. #BindependenceDay

Ballerina girl in Birmingham, 1968 - photograph by Janet Mendelsohn.

If you’ve placed an order please bear with me.
I’m in agony with a back problem but Pete is working hard on my behalf.

LukasMukasPoodle Can’t wait for the future where we have guys in their 30s hanging around outside corner shops asking people to buy them cigs

Humza Yousaf Can men tell, with extremely high levels of accuracy, women from other males, even if the latter are wearing clothing, make-up, footwear more typically worn by women and calling themselves names like ‘Isla’, ‘Tiffany’ and ‘Paris’?

I do wish people would stop giving Kirstie Allsopp attention. She's loving that JK Rowling is talking to her. That she's trending for days in a row. She has nothing of value to say.

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For anyone who has been interested in my lawsuit against the Sun, the news is that  I’ve had to settle my claim out of court before it gets to trial. A 🧵…