(AD) I just want to say Thank You To My Midwives this year, who helped me very much with everything that was going on in my life at the time. rachelbustin.com/pregnancybaby/… with @smartcells #ThankYouMidwives #midwives #birthstory

My 5-year old wanted me to write some things down for her to copy so she could practise her writing. She then went on to ask for my credit card number and passcode so now I'm worried she spends her spare time conning people on the internet.

The best thing about all the January healthy eating resolutions is that there's no queue in Greggs.

Why does a smoke alarm never decide to beep at 4 o'clock in the afternoon? It's always in the morning and it's always a pain in my arse.

Daughter: Mummy is a strong woman... Me: Awesome Daughter: And likes to poop a lot. Me: Not so awesome.

Two Safestyle UK plc salesmen turned up my door and began some 'comedy' skit to flog me windows. When I (politely) declined one of them said "but what about you? Are you free for a date later?". Seriously men are now knocking on our doors to hit on us now? Is nowhere safe?

Online shopping when you saw Jason Donovan last night and you just got paid...

Super excited to be going to Rush Hair & Beauty #RushintoSpring event tonight. Just wish my hair hadn't got soaked on the way into work this morning and my fringe wasn't in desperate need of a trim. Because of course I usually I look salon-fabulous. #rushhairliverpool #ad Tank

The baby woke up at 3am calling his big sister's name. She ignored him, so that's one thing she got from her father.

Carb loading ahead of Sunday's London Marathon. I'm not running it but I wanted to show solidarity. #londonmarathon #carbloading #greggs #lunch

Hey another ten things You've made the The BritMums List - 8 lol blogs britmums.com/b-list-funny-b… x

Thanks for nothing Asda Service Team. Book groceries click & collect so I didn't have to get sleeping baby out of car to find the lockers are broken and I had to go into store anyway. And let's not even start about the 8 unwanted plastic bags you've given me...

Lancashire Lightning’s Vitality T20 Blast Review andanothertenthings.com/2019/07/26/lan…

Judging people's baking skills whilst eating chocolate spread smeared on value ginger nuts. Must be #GBBO time. #GBBO2019

"He's a fucking twat, who was lucky to have someone in the first place." Kath 💙🙀🇪🇺✊🏾 introducing the battle cry for divorced women everywhere. #notamiddlelifecrisis #hesjustatwat

Someone asked me last night what 'intimation' means and I replied "it's a poor imitation". And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the greatest word play joke I'll ever make. #boomboom #mylifeswork #wheresmystandupdeal

My 2-year old has learnt the word "why", in case you're wondering how my Monday is going.

Just found this picture and letter my 6-year old wrote to Emma Watson. Love how she can spell Hermione but not Emma 😂

MAAAAAM WHAAAAAT MAAAAAAAAAAAM I'M IN THE FUCKING BATH JESUS CHRIST WHAAAAAAATTTT

We, what's going on Asda Service Team? Ordered my shopping to be delivered tonight between 8 and 9pm but it says it's already been delivered. I can confirm it has not!