the crack of the bat. the scent of a verdant field. The excitement of the crowd. These are the things that piss base ball fans off the most

The numbers 10-99 are called "the double digits". Memorize them. You don't want to be the guy at the party who's never heard of 57

Iran... the Middle East... war... economics... it's all connected. -Don

The President told me Iran keeps eating his Marines so I asked how many Marines he has and he said he just goes and invades Kharg Island so I said it sounds like he’s just feeding Marines to the Iranians and then Marco Rubio started crying

This one might be better

sure it’s been done but obviously “Americans describing politics: imagine an entree”

Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle was the original example of trying to explain something to an American by telling them to imagine a burger. In his own words, it didn’t work because they were too focused on the burgers

Saw a lady crying on the subway. Presumably because she had thought the online chatter about Geese was entirely organic

mythical reel gem alarm

imagine smoking baby yoda like a brisket and covering him in sauces and seasonings

i lowkey fuck with how there’s no jobs and rent is infinity money and food is infinity money and fun activities are infinity money and every kind of side hustle is completely flooded and everyone’s angry and mean all the time

Zeus: so two guys ran sub 2 hour marathons today Pheidippidies: holy shit, I guess I’m going to meet them any second now Zeus, unsure of how to soften the blow: No, they’re actually totally okay. In fact you were basically the only person to ever die from a marathon

To little kid eyeing my McDonalds: thats right i can eat this any time i want... Dont ask about any of the other parts of my life please.