sorry an eagle snatched your baby while I was holding it up like Simba, but in my defense that's just how the circle of life works

If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he was probably really freaked out when we started

Remember when Jesus said, "Be a dick to everyone different than you?" Neither do I. Get your shit together, Christians.

[Ronald McDonald] *puts on grey suit* "Today's the day" *exits house, suit morphs into clown costume* *falls to knees* *sobs uncontrollably*

Wife: Where's the gerbil? Me: I put Red Bull in his water bottle Wife: Are you saying he grew wings & flew away? Me: No he died instantly

I want 20 shots of vodka, 20 chicken nuggets and £20,000 cash

My favorite childhood memory is my dad leaving work early to pick me up from school and take me to see Return of The Jedi opening day

@aubeginedreams that should have been the actual lyrics to Black Parade

Hello I am going to make a new account tonight! Fav if you'd follow me! I'm following back for the first few days :)

I'm making a new account because I'm making a fresh start in life, and a new twitter account could help! A blank canvas to work on, ydg?

Okay I went to bed before making a new account, but I'll have a new one today!!

FKSWAILKZC,JDKDMFM

I'm so impatient when it comes to getting a reply, i get so stressed ugh

GUYS I MADE A BRAND NEW ACCOUNT, I WILL BE ACTIVE THERE, FOLLOW ME!!! @ElkoriasGarden @ElkoriasGarden @ElkoriasGarden @ElkoriasGarden

FOLLOW ME ON MY NEW ACCOUNT IT WILL BE MY NEW MAIN! @elkoriasgarden

I MADE A NEW ACCOUNT FOLLOW ME PLEASE! @ElkoriasGarden @ElkoriasGarden @ElkoriasGarden

FOLLOW ME ON MY NEW ACCOUNT PLEASE x.com/ElkoriasGarden…

follow me on @ElkoriasGarden