My kids and I play this fun game where I wake up early to enjoy a coffee alone and they wake up earlier to make sure that I don’t

Does a half hour count as intermittent fasting? Feels like it should.

Took me a long time as a mom to know it’s normal to want space from your children and miss them the entire time they’re gone; to be so angry with them in one second and have your heart melted by them in the next. If I complain it doesn’t mean they aren’t my whole damn world

Kids getting out of school over lunch break to have McDonald's is the equivalent of adults getting out for lunch break to have beer and wings. #wednesdaythought

I intermittently fasted between lunch and dinner it was awful.

Bscape Enyone Aan Can Have

was washing a handful of raspberries when a spider came crawling out of one of them all im saying is this doesn’t happen with cookies

If you have three kids, at any moment two of them will be acting like rabid, malevolent mischief-beasts and the other will feed off it and be an immaculate saint. There is no in-between.

18 month old: watching tv Me: but how old is JJ? He looks like a baby, giggles like a baby, but has a very developed vocabulary. Hubby: who let's their baby play with elephants unsupervised? #momlife

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud’ but they will be, oh they will be

the good news is we found my daughters missing library book from two weeks ago the bad news is she lost the one from last week

My high school students have no idea who Julia Roberts or Cameron Diaz are. Happy Thursday.

What did your parents teach you as a kid that you didn't realize was actually f**ked up until you were older?

No One "And also with you."

Well that settles that- I went to the kitchen to make a chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting, but spent all my free time trying to fix the dishwasher. The dishwasher still isn't working, my cake isn't made, and I have no more free time. #weekendvibes #adulting

At tonight's baseball game there was a sign on the fence reading "NO SOFT TACOS." I think Cinco de Mayo is getting to me because it actually read "NO SOFT TOSS." 🌮⚾ #cincodemayo #baseball

My two year old who begged me to play baseball ALL. THE. TIME. is now an 11 year old who is crushing home runs. 🎉 #baseball #proudmom

Me: That’s pretty sus 12yo: Never say that again Me: Why? 12yo: It sounded weird when you said it Me: 12yo: Me: Your rules are sus

wife: *makes chocolate dipped frozen bananas* me: omg 😳 wife: i was just trying to make healthy treats! me: ummmm wife: maybe a drizzle would help? me: if you’re planning on using that white chocolate, then no…it would not help! 😂😂😂