🎶 It’s the most wonderful time of the year… because we met our deductible so kids, if you’re gonna break your face please do it within the next few weeks k thanks 🎶

My daughter’s 12th birthday party is tomorrow night. She says they plan on playing light as a feather, stiff as a board & MASH & watching Hocus Pocus. That was literally my 12th birthday party. What a full circle moment.

Finish wrapping present. Look at present and say what is this? What did I just wrap? Who is this for? Unwrap present a little bit so you can see what it is. Rewrap. Label. Repeat with next present.

You’re gonna miss this someday, I whisper to myself as I’m shot in the butt with a nerf gun while unclogging the toilet.

Have kids so instead of going to happy hour you can spend your evening with a crying 9yo at the kitchen table because they did their math homework in pen even though you told them not to & they did all the questions wrong & now want you to fix it.

People are like “My mom never complained! She did it all with a smile, was never tired, never asked for help!”like somehow running ourselves into the ground while SMILING is a better alternative than speaking openly about our struggles & supporting one another.

To get stronger. To show my kids the importance of self-care through exercise.

I was helping my middle schooler until 10:30 last night with her presentation on some Roman goddess who was best known for her virginity. So to all the parents out there wrestling your exhausted toddlers to bed at night, just know that it gets easier but it gets weirder too.

“Gun legislation won’t work” Okay but maybe we try so we can look our children in the face & say we did SOMETHING & didn’t just sit here while they were fucking slaughtered doing multiplication facts

My 10yo struggles w anxiety at night so I stay with him until he falls asleep. His sister is only 2 years older, is super mature & independent & pretty much puts herself to bed. She stays up later than I do most nights. Parenthood means meeting each kid exactly where they are.

Some people don’t believe in miracles but my kid who seemed to have a grisly leg injury that prevented him from doing anything productive all day yesterday just reported that today he felt well enough to play soccer on recess & score the winning goal. I believe.

My kid just said “Mom, did you shower?! Good for you!” & I’m not sure if I’m touched or offended.

As a parent I’m not worried that my 9 and 13 year olds are going to be “indoctrinated” with “wokeness” at school. I’m not worried that they’re going to ‘feel guilty about their whiteness’ because they’re learning accurate history. I’m not worried that they’re going to be

40 is the new 20, I whisper to myself as I tweak my shoulder muscle folding towels

I volunteered in my son’s 4th grade class yesterday to help the kids with their math facts. They all struggled with 7x8 & at 43, I still have to concentrate on that one too. Thanks, 10-year-olds. I feel seen.

Shoutout to all the moms who “took the day off” & are now looking at your sh*t-storm of a house realizing how much tomorrow is gonna suck

Today I drove the speed limit for the first time because both kids were napping and I didn't want it to end.

New parenting milestone unlocked: surviving 5 days of zero communication with my child while she lived her best life at overnight summer camp. Hard week for Mom, best week ever for my 12yo. 5 stars. Will do it again.

😆 Credit: The 21st Century SAHM