CAPTAIN AMERICA: *punches guy* Take that villain CAPTAIN BRITAIN: *punches guy* Take that guvnor CAPTAIN CANADA: *punches guy* I am so sorry

[1st date] Me: [mouth full] isn't it weird that donkey fucked that dragon "well. I mea- Me: remember [pokes her with breadstick] in Shrek

I bet the guy who invented the worlds smallest violin hates that his beautiful instrument is only ever played to mock people who are sad.

That is very kind of you to call me 'beautiful'. x.com/flotus/status/…

I just want to remind everyone that these Victorian party games existed

daniel day-lewis: i am officially retiring from acting daniel night-lewis: [leaving house a few hrs later in hat and sunglases] I, HOWEVER,

Dad bikes 1,400 miles to hear deceased daughter's heartbeat on Father's Day cbsn.ws/2sCuaNU

This is just the loveliest thing. This is Twitter done right. Creating a sweet little community :-) x.com/jonnysun/statu…

The money for the #DUPcoalition could fund all 26,000 nurses the NHS is short of right now - RT if you agree her priorities are all wrong

This moment was just too beautiful for words, ＠susannareid100... 😂😂😂 ＠piersmorgan Charlotte Hawkins

goodnight sleep sweet i hope the bed bugs dont eat your feet xox

This is amazing

THIRST AID! Warm again here - please leave out shallow bowls of water for hogs and R/T to remind people to do the same. Video Paul Bunyard.