“Don’t flatter yourself! You’re the kinda guy middle-aged straight women settle for as they decide to lower their expectations after losing all hope of getting the love of their life to acknowledge their existence! Now shoo! You’re blocking my view of the ad behind you”

The first thing the Religious Liberty Task Force needs to investigate are the Christians who pay off mistresses, molest underage girls behind dumpsters, and are silent about child abuse.

Is it weird that my definition of retail therapy is hitting the bookstores?

The party of Reagan has to explain how it’s become the party of Putin.

Trump calls the media 'the enemy of the people.' Except for Fox News. They are so far up his ass, they are the enema of the people.

Is there any way of verifying the authenticity of the claims regarding sexual misconduct especially when the incidents being reported happened a long time ago? Even if something is public knowledge, that doesn’t mean it’s true unless proven beyond a shred of doubt.

Doesn’t anyone with their minds screwed on the right way see how absurd the right wing claims are about LGBTQ being platforms for promoting pedophilia? Especially that almost all of those “caught in the act” are EVANGELICAL PRIESTS & RIGHT WING POLITICIANS!!

Back to School Tweet: That “I’m losing my innocence” moment 15+ years ago when a professor entered the class and about 100 lines of equations later I realize he just proved that particles with negative mass exist.

RIP Matthew Shepard

I need a 3.5 inch floppy right now.. and no, I'm not talking about your dick!!

Almost halfway through 'The Otto Digmore Decision' and I really have to say thank you, @brenthartinger for explaining the difference between a 'bossy bottom' and a 'power bottom'! Nobody I asked could've ever explained it so elequently!! 😉😉

I really wish people -especially my exes- would stop telling me I deserve better because effectively THEY are the ones now in "loving" relationships and I'M the one who's rapidly approaching 40, still single, and still actively searching for that 'better' I so allegedly deserve!!

Just finished watching #TheThingAboutHarry a couple days ago and I am still asking myself why on earth does @ThePeterPaige not write/produce/direct more stuff. He has a unique vision and take on human emotions ever since "Say Uncle" 2005.

Okay.. enough procrastination. Now is a good time to get back to my bible.. Hello #GreysAnatomy it's been a long time. Lets see what y'all have been up to .. especially u Levi Schmitt Jake Borelli ❤️❤️

I guess I’ll never be able to lie to myself again about all the shit I would do if I just had the time.

My most favorite movie of all time

If I had to cast anyone for the role of Rafe's Dad in a screen adaptation of Bill Konigsberg's "Openly Straight" book series, it would definitely be Ty Burrell from Modern Family ❤❤

I have just made a very important discovery about myself. Ladies and gentlemen I can deepthroat 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I need a Democrat in Congress to propose the ‘Save Donald Trump’s life gun reform bill’ so the Republicans either have to pass it or go on record that they don’t care about protecting Donald Trump.