I’m going to make someone an excellent second wife.

“I have concepts of a plan.” #Debatenight #debatenight2024

A lot of people have misconceptions about James Brown, that he did not have soul and that he was super good. But, it’s really quite the opposite.

Sometimes fluorescent lights start acting up, and you gotta smack em around a lil.

Streets saying they found Mr. Bean on them Diddy tapes.

You ever catch yourself thinking about your medium to severe plaque psoriasis when you could just be on Otsela, LADIES????

Sensational lineup @thecomedystore's #intimate #BellyRoom 10/16 (10PM Doors)! 🔗 showclix.com/event/sound-ch… 🚨 @mrcraigrobinson 🚨 @kenflores300 🚨 @resrieriao 🚨 Zahid Dewji 🚨 Rocky 🚨 @jason_yanakis +more TBA! This will sell out. Don't 💤! #comedystore #thecomedystore

*to the cha cha slide* “Everybody suck my dick” 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Remember: The perfect amount of McDonald’s is ordering everything, taking two bites and then throwing it all in the trash.

More like NOT United States.

This election is being so weird. “Too close to call” ?? Screw that. If we’re close, I’m calling you.

Yeah I did my civic doodie. I took a shit in my Honda Civic.

Just took a blue chew so I can vote longer.

There’s a city in New Mexico called Truth Or Consequences and I wonder how they voted.

Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock’s SNL bit when Donald Trump won in 2016 holds up still. I’m shocked this many people are shocked.

Ratatouille isn’t actually the name of rat in the movie. It’s ratatouille’s monster.

Our anniversary show is this Saturday! Get 🎟️ now eventbrite.com/e/jungle-cat-c… 🎤 Katie Boyle Mike Rice Comedy abby govindan Nico Carney Tessa Zahid Dewji

If what Elon did wasn’t a Nazi salute then do it tomorrow at work.

Donald Trump is the president, Kanye is tweeting racist shit & The Eagles just won the Super Bowl. 2018, I’ve missed you so much.

Watch one of the best comedy shows around from anywhere in the world by tuning into our uncensored, unedited livestream from the Comedy Cellar this Thursday night! 🎤