Last #Night

Stock Photos are modern art

Pet peeve--when one item on the menu is a pun but the rest are not puns. Make them all puns or don't open a restaurant

When I want to hate somebody but then I meet them and they're actually kind of cool

When u see ur boys girl at bingo night with some other dude

Song: catch a falling star & put in ur pocket me: ay do y'all know how big and hot stars are or ?

Me after eating healthy food for a day

When u leave the bathroom door unlocked and someone starts shaking the doorknob

ME: I am a man who will fight for your honor LAWYER: objection, he's singing in court JUDGE: overruled *blushing* let's see where this goes

Who let the dogs out won a Grammy in 2000

When somebody smells like BO so you have to check all of your friends

When the doctor doesn’t wash their hands after they give you prostate exam

When you’ve been laying on the couch all Sunday and somebody knocks on the door

When your house becomes sentient and tries to destroy you

When you have to learn every My Chemical Romance song before the concert

When you had the steak burrito for lunch instead of the usual quinoa bowl