It’s official baby 🧚‍♂️

Han Solo moments before murdering Greedo

Fairly sure that the Around the World/Harder Better Faster Stronger remix on Daft Punk’s Alive 2007 album could raise me from the dead if needs be

Nothing but love for the Lidl worker who told me I was too young to buy paracetamol despite the cruel reality shown in the till camera

Dave Grohl you dirty old bollocks

🎶I’ve got another confession* to make🎶 *It’s a baby outside of wedlock

“THEY’RE EATING THE DAWGS. THEY’RE EATING THE CATS.”

I for one am shocked that a famous rockstar’s been putting it about. There is literally no precedent for this sort of thing!

The age of brat summer is over. The time of the Big Coat™️ has come

I’m at a wedding & my industrial strength shapewear has reached critical mass

Me to the mini-pizzas the instant the plastic covers are off the buffet

Living through one of the most ruinous hangovers of my life after my brother in law’s wedding

Just got home from the very banterful two-day wedding celebrations

Just preordered our frankly medicinal curry of hope

Wizards blocking out their outlook calendar so they can do their errands

Feel like it’s only a matter of time before Moo Deng is corrupted by fame, finding herself crashing her oddly damp Lamborghini after a robust night of coke & champagne before cutely biting off the arresting officer’s leg

All tweet ups look like this

I wish the escaped capybara nothing but the best x