If you can't be yourself, try being David Mellor for an hour.

Draw a tweezers in the sky. Make it snow.

The best advice I ever received involved a manilla envelope.

I love all treacle tarts, especially when I see one that is very, very old. I always wonder how it survived, and what it has seen in its life. I wish the treacle tart could whisper to me all it knows.

Think about the ground. Imagine Chewbacca thinking about it too.

Remember a dream where you were Nicholas Witchell. Remember that feeling forever.

Shopping bags is a momentary pleasure. Lumps of blutac have a longer duration.

Timex sinclair 2048 is God's gift to us, they say. I hope you are having lots of timex sinclair 2048s too.

Art is what's left when you take the slimline tonic water away.

A chest freezer you dream alone is only a dream. A chest freezer you dream together is reality.

Think of something more important than Lauren Harries in your life. Take care of that person.

Fried fish work in mysterious ways.

We are all lions.

Count all the manilla envelopes in Hillingdon

Nik Kershaw is 70% water. Someday he'll evaporate.

Did you know that wooden spoons were invented by Jonathan Wooden Spoon? What are you going invent today?

Reply to this with your worst slimline tonic water.

Without revealing your age, what's your first memory of Robert Killroy Silk?

Don't be afraid of being Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Self care starts with rewarding yourself with a network switch.