My ex-wife is entitled to question many aspects of our marriage. But one thing she’ll never be able to deny is how well my tuxedo fit on our wedding day.

Happy Festival Season™️, y’all.

Always great to get the (non-suede loafers) family together.

Ole Curious-George-Man-In-The-Yellow-Hat ass.

While the world debates whether or not boat shoes are in fact “back,” I’m copping Yuketen camp mocs in milkshake suede. See y’all at the beach.

“Oh thanks, man! The jacket is ‘vintage-inspired.’ My watch is ‘wealth-inspired.’ My physique is ‘thin-inspired.’ My mental state is ‘sanity-inspired.’ My relationships with others are ‘functional-inspired.’”

You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.

Girl, are you Serbian “karst” camouflage? Because your allure seems to be completely at odds with your practicality.

Pretty crazy that Vladimir Nabokov predicted 2024 fashion trends in 1967.

Color-blocking out the haters.

NYC observations: If you can’t be tall, be rich.

Little known fact: HeyDude shoes are named after the traditional greeting one receives while wearing them — “Hey dude, your shoes look like fucking shit.”

Today in Surreal Storytime™️, I explained the difference between Masters and Augusta National merch to Sir Nick Faldo.

These damn misguided Millennials and their insistence on blending markers of formality and identity within athleisure.

It’s pretty easy to become the favorite uncle, btw.

I may be objectively washed but I will never reach “visibly excited and premeditatedly prepared for a solar eclipse” levels of depravity.