Tom Brady’s wife got her back blown out by a jiu-jitsu instructor

Reposting this thread of Shohei Ohtani in Hawaii for no particular reason whatsoever

working in corporate america will have you calling Gatorade the leader in the 'enhanced water category' like that means anything

Love a buzzword that sounds cooler than it actually is. Like "ideate" is wayyy cooler than 'think about.' "Deliverable" sounds better than 'homework for adults' and "Optimize" is just one of my favorite Transformers

It's Wednesday afternoon, time to transition from "how was your weekend" to "any weekend plans?" Love chatting about how we all can't stand being here

If you told me 10 years ago that Taylor Swift would release her new album on Jason Kelce’s podcast I would be stunned mainly bc I didn’t really know who Jason kelce was since he’d only been to one pro bowl at the time and like why would I know a random center on the eagles

you slapped the shit out of Chris rock at the Oscar’s

born to not work, forced to yes work

genuinely think the only actual cure for the "loneliness epidemic" is just drinking more

this right here is why i don't have kids. terrifying to think this could happen at any moment

Me and my coworkers agreeing to all keep our cameras off on the Zoom

Me clicking through every slide of HR training without absorbing a single piece of information

These athletes have gotta start setting their Venmo to private

How to Get off a Call with a Chatty Coworker 1. "Sorry, I have a hard stop." 2. Pretend to spill coffee on yourself. Scream, hang up abruptly 3. Irish exit. Hang up and leave the Zoom. 4. "I better let you go" 5. "I have to go shit right now. I kind of already started tbh.”

I love to have 14 beers and finally feel like myself again

I’m on Instagram getting served reels your mind couldn’t possibly comprehend

Great. The Jets are going to lose their preseason game. Gonna have to pick a fight with a 19 year old at the bar to feel good about myself tonight

The trials, fine. But the tribulations?

The ideal workday lunch scenario. Pop on a podcast, catch up on social media, don't have to speak to coworkers for the better part of an hour while housing a burger in the great outdoors. Little slice of heaven