THINGS SAID IN THE JOB: PC - "You're under arrest..." Detainee - "Get your hands off me. You're meant to keep your social services distance from me"!

We are deeply saddened to hear of the passing of Captain Tom Moore. His efforts to raise funds for our NHS inspired the nation last year; bringing us together in spirit when we had to physically stay apart. Rest in peace, Sir Tom 💙

Two positive results in the last 24 hours. 1) result of my Inspector's promotion board ✔ 2) result of my Covid test 😷

THINGS SAID IN CUSTODY: Detainee (crying) - "You lot have locked me up. You don't care. What about my seriously ill mother. I'm her carer. It's all that matters in my life" PC - "I was at a job at your Mother's yesterday. She was complaining how you haven't even rung her lately"

THINGS SAID IN THE JOB: Shop assistant - "You dont remember me do you"? Sgt - "You look vaguely familiar"? SA - "You dealt with me for shoplifting 11 years ago. I was suffering depression. You treated me like a decent human being & helped me. I've never forgotten it" Sgt - 😊

THINGS SAID IN CUSTODY: DO - "That detainee you've booked in doesn't know what day it is" Sgt - "Really? He seemed perfectly lucid and sober to me" DO - "Look. His socks say Wednesday and it's now Sunday" 😂 Sgt - "Out"! 🤦‍♂️

THINGS SAID IN THE JOB: PC - "I've done those Covid breach jobs Sgt. At the first I was accused of being the Stasi police state and at the second I got accused of being too soft and aiding and abetting the pandemic". Sgt - "Once you accept you can never win this job gets easier"

We're joining British Transport Police & @NPCC to help more people #LookCloser to spot signs of exploitation & abuse. If you spot these signs there are ways to report, including: - Anonymously to @crimestoppersuk - Calling NSPCC Helpline for advice & support How to report bit.ly/2MZyox1

THINGS SAID IN THE JOB: Suspect (filming) - "I don't trust the PoPo. Whateva you wanna say, say it on Facebook live" PS - "Trust me. What I'm about to say to you, you don't want five thousand people to hear it on Facebook. It won't do you any favours" Suspect - "Ok. It's off" 😳

THINGS SAID IN CUSTODY: PC - "I'm gutted. Due to Covid my scuba holiday in Egypt got cancelled" Sgt - "I went diving in a river in Egypt once. I couldn't believe it. I was in deNile" 😂

THINGS SAID IN CUSTODY: Detainee - "How long am I going to be here"? Insp - "I can't say. I'll answer any questions you have other than that. That's out of my control" Detainee - "Can I ask another question"? Insp - "Ok" Detainee- "When can I go home"?

THINGS SAID ON THE JOB: Student PC (on radio) - "Can I have a hashtag DL check please"? PC - "The new boy's doing quite well on the radio but he's clearly spending too much time on twitter"😁 #ifyouknowyouknow

THINGS SAID ON THE JOB Suspect - "I'll see you out of uniform. I know where you live"? PC - "Really? Where do I live then"? Suspect - "Er..Worcester"? PC - "Let's stop being all gangster shall we"?

THINGS SAID IN THE JOB: Irate male - "I've got all my boys here. If you don't get in that police car and drive it away I'll tip it over" PC - "I guess your name's Jack"? Irate male - "Eh"?

Folks, due to changes to our social media policy now is the right time to close this account. Thank you to all for your support over the last few years, especially with @lockuplockin. It was so enjoyable to bring some smiles to Twitter which can be such a negative space. Bye 👋