My favorite kid brought an emotional support tape measure to school today.

my Wes Anderson ass morning pills

I love having an 8 minute commute and then being (minimum) 10 minutes late every day.

I might be non-binary, but when I fill up my car before the E light comes on? I’m a woman in STEM.

today a preschooler told me that “sometimes a girl can have a penis” and she’s CORRECT so how do adults not get it?

queer people with hogwarts houses in their tinder bios: why?

does anyone wanna see pics of the lasagna I made

I’m in my lasagna era

fuck marry kill: butts boobs balls.

Something cool about getting migraines is today I vomited so hard and so frequently that I pulled a neck muscle 🤘🏻

been seeing more gay people around lately what’s that all about?

Back on my shit

If you were really my friend you would refer to me as “Daytime Emmy winner Kyla McCracken” but I guess you’re not ready for that conversation

Which one of you perfect angels is going to bring me a tuna melt right now

I actually think so many people are annoying.

Tonight, a mom joined the grieving parents FB group I belong to. Her son was killed 22 mass shootings ago. He was killed in a mass shooting last week.

something cool and sexy about me is that my stress-induced eczema now includes a patch on my eye skin ❤️‍🔥 hey ladieeeeesssss

I came THISCLOSE to shaving my head last night and we’re not out of the woods yet. If anyone looks at me funny I’m going full GI Jane mode I stg

ok wait a minute what if *I’M* the one who’s being a bitch?? wait that would be crazy…

Feeling beyond lucky to be part of James Kim magical audio universe, You Feeling This? Which is out NOW. He trusted me and Hannah Harris Green to experiment, and also gave me a reason to expense a Ouija board. Listen now: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/you…