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Losing friends>>> losing lovers

Asking my nephew about his five-year plan. He's 3.

#AaronRogers

The worst part of a twitter crush ending is you lose the friend, too.

My new diet plan: Breakfast: 3 Cheerios Lunch: 4 cherries and 1 ounce of ground beef Dinner: a single goldfish. 3AM: semi-conscious taste test, where I try 4 of each of the available flavors of Oreo Cookes. I’m having mixed results from this diet.

Am I the only one who is a little unsettled at the prospect of Oreos that taste like Selina Gomez?

Soulmates don't care about reality.

My heart smiles when you speak to me

It’s like waterboarding, only with fire

you. (n). the infinite crush.

name a more iconic duo

"I read that book you like" is a love language

After a year and a half, he suddenly couldn’t take my unrelenting anxiety and overwhelming disdain anymore so the pope told me to go back to twitter. Filled with love and understanding my ass.

What word do you use in place of 'fuck' in front of children? Mine is 'fuck'

Them: They call me.. Me <interrupting>: First, who are "they"? Second, no they don't.

This belongs here

😂🤣