In conclusion, raisins should be referred to as "grapes of wrath."

At least we can all agree that "lukewarm" is the most disconcerting temperature.

PLOT TWIST: It's like ten thousand knives when all you need is a spoon.

August is the "You have been logged out due to inactivity" of months.

What do I have to do to reach the level of notoriety that merits a butter sculpture of my likeness? (Because I'll do it.)

Math Problem: You can substitute butter for love, but you can't substitute love for butter.

As soon as the temperature drops below 70 degrees, I revert to my natural state.

systematic ecocide

Sally Davies | Rearview Snow Storm | 2010

Felice Casorati | Uova sul tappeto | 1955

If I'm being honest, I'm absolutely terrified of The Person I Will Be once I'm no longer in survival mode.

The best way to be irresistible? Simply.

Are you

Yet another day of lustfully deploying the em dash.

Is your body trying to tell you something? Tell it to shut up with a

Louise Bourgeois | To Unravel a Torment You Must Begin Somewhere, no. 8 of 9 | 1999

What if it were suddenly revealed that those obscenely loud SunChips bags were a collective auditory hallucination? What then?!