Stay up till 4am one night and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

We were severely understaffed at work this morning, I asked my coworker where the rest of them were, he answered "awake and at work rn". Turns out I overslept and missed work and had one hell of a dream

A decision. A conscious decision to wake up and choose the same person everyday, at their best and at their worst, knowing fully well, there’s someone better than you out there, and there’s someone better than them out there —-

if you could only see yourself through my eyes, you’d be amazed how blurry you are

This four dogs have been taught to wait for their slower sibling, before starting their meal.

what substance do i have to abuse to be unbothered

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason

what's the male equivalent of taking one's bra off after a long day?

“abs or biceps?” men who yearn.

"stop being so afraid of losing people and understand that your absence is just as significant", my therapist on a random tuesday afternoon

dudes hit the gym after a breakup thinking their body is the issue. bro you have the emotional intelligence and maturity of a door knob. go to therapy.

the lover girl in me has died a bit

body count but it’s the number of people you’ve damaged with your fear of intimacy and self destructive habits

gayyyyyyy

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

my therapist told me she’s leaving our clinic today and she can’t see her patients anymore so i started weeping dramatically and being like NOOOOO TAKE ME WITH YOUUUU then she was like no dude you’re so mentally ill you’re one of the few i’m transferring with me anyways YAY!

not photogenic but i probably look soooo good as a distant memory

used bug spray on this cockroach and it flew straight into my face in a chemical induced rage 😭