Cant sorry :/ Yeah no I’m interviewing with the Pretty Committee at 4. Massie would be pissed if I was late. Maybe next time!

My favorite fall vegetable is She Hangs Brightly by Mazzy Star

The healing powers of a vodka cranberry are sickening. A cholera patient could be at the club in half an hour if you put two down their throat

17 year old brother just described tumblr as 4chan for white girls im gonna be sick

Too tired to make a quesadilla Im just eating a tortilla with cold shredded cheese

I feel like this tweet just saved me so much suffering. the fog that’s been cast upon my brain has lifted. I can see the light. it’s going to be ok

“I have three” Well gues what bragging is uncouth

Every single thing that I do wrong in my life is gonna change starting tomorrow

I get eaten by the worms And Caroline

It’s so fun when u stumble upon a wikipedia page with poor syntax and grammatical errors …….I can fix you Baby…..

Daughter: why is my sister named rose Me: because your gay father loves roses Daughter: Okay thanks mom Me: no problem Let There Be Cabbits Awesome Thank

Loving my room from this one specific angle

The wag life was calling out to him

Dudes love just calling him Mulaney. it makes them feel like they’re in the funny boy club

Waking up at the dreamily serene hour of 11 o’clock in the morning