You know how boys are meant to get distracted by staring at hot girls when driving? Same, but with people's dogs.

Voted leave to go back to 'times gone by'? We'll be living in a right wing country with a poor economy...just like Germany in the 1930s.

Put your feet up Isis, no need to worry about destroying the fabric of western civilisation, we're doing it on our own #WhatHaveWeDone

It's pay day. Dilemma, do I spend it all on a ticket out the UK away from these racist twats or on hunners of eggs to egg Donald Trump

Yaas Nicola Sturgeon gaun yersel hen #indyref2 ✌👐👏

I need to win this. I can't bungee. I cried at go karting #shitebag x.com/GeekingAwesome…

'I got broads in Atlanta' Sure you do, Larry, sure you do #panda #rapjokes

Really fun #Redraw even if it was about a 10000 degrees in The Stand & I probably had a sweat moustache the whole time I was on stage

Pulled our show 2day due to lack of audience so saw David von Jones #beautifulducks -good & the ducks in question were indeed very beautiful

As a native of Largs this is probably blasphemous, but Mary's Milk Bar does the best ice cream I've ever tasted (sorry, Nardinis)

Hey Flybe ✈ as a nervous flyer the fact you can move your seat for free after check in is a godsend. Thank you! #nowindowseatformethanks

When Garry Spence reads out your name as part of The Stand weekend line up on the radio and you shout 'That's me!' In the car 😂🙈

Rapper: 'yeah bet you've got Stormzy on repeat'. Aye I do & I've got tickets to see him. Won my comedians vs rappers rap battle anyway 😂😎

Help to buy application approved! Thanks Nicola Sturgeon for helping me buy a house 😂🏠

How much gear have The View been taking to think their support band at this gig are actually any good? #shiteprotestsongs&willywonkaquotes

Love when a Moness Resort wants you to travel through Police Scotland severe weather warning or they wont move your booking. 🙄 No thanks my safety is worth more than a £70 voucher 😂 Groupon UK what kind of companies are you working with?!

Any reputable #hotels in #Scotland want my business instead after Moness Resort absolute shocking display of irresponsible attitude and poor customer service? 😂 #naebadweatherpolicy #ayeright #badcustomerservice VisitScotland LateRooms.com Booking.com Expedia