So Quasimodo walks into this bar. Says to the bartender “give me a double scotch”
Bartender says “Bells alright?”
Quasimodo says “Mind your own fucking business”

Little Jack Horner, sat on the corner eating red hot scallops.
One fell down his trousers leg, and burnt him on the ankle.
It completely missed his bollocks

It was really nice earlier on, and now I’ve finished work it’s pissing it down

What makes me happy is that everyone wants a Motown song on their playlist.
I have done my work

It is no thing that everyone wants to have Motown in thier playlsidt

Bryan Ferry the slickest of our north east music.
He’s off the charts

You can't beat a bit of bully

I am listening to Blodwyn Pig

No Man U Manager should be talking about being in a losing position and coming back as being a good thing

The top 3 of us this last couple of weeks
youtu.be/CcgcWplfeh0?si…

Not good enough today.
I think we got what we deserved

This lawn is gonna be the death of me. But I will finish it before I die.
Someone put the mower back in the shed for me please

You know you’ve left the lawnmowing too long, when the batteries die less than halfway through 👀

LIVE AT AUCTION
1987 Ford Fiesta XR2 Mk2
evoke-classics.com/auction/#/lots…
Nut and Bolt Restoration
Rare Crystal Blue
Rebuilt engine
Immaculate example
Attractive Number plate
#FordFiesta #FiestaXR2 #FastFord #HotHatch

Good morning! Welcome to the last working day, let’s hope it’s a quiet one

Let’s hope our man Meslier isn’t a hologram tonight. Or better still, Sunderland don’t get a shot on target

Not long now until The Rapture starts

Places on Earth that don't look real - thread 🧵

1. Namibia, where the desert meets the ocean

RIP Joe Kinnear

Peter Cushing was one of the greatest British actors. I know he was so connected with Dracula movies, and they associated that with hammy acting, but he was so much more as well.
Here he sends himself up in House Of The Long Shadows and even with speech impediment