Imagine hating me and I’m just over here being a repulsive cunt bent on indiscriminate destruction, like…

Men aren’t supposed to like sweets, so they invented barbecue sauce so they could enjoy dessert meat

Should I post this?

Do you guys think it’s ok to sleep with your friends? Like all of them I mean. Not just a few.

Amelia Earhart

I’ve been referring to uncircumcised men as “unedited” or “director’s cut”

My Life in the Foyer: How I Forgot My Keys, and Found Myself Instead

I think a spider just crawled out of my shorts 💕

They need to invent a me that’s fine

Are these crocs for your penis?

I sacrificed my daughter for a KAWS statuette

KAWS asked me to pose for one of his statues, so I referred to Kabbalistic doctrine to guide my decision. I had to clear my mind with some Trader Joe’s Gochujang Bang Bang ravioli and watch Hulu for three years before I decided to say yes. But when I called back… KAWS was dead.

Should I start reviewing snacks? I think this is a super original idea.

I love those tiny little bottles of vodka. I always buy them and set them on my windowsill in the hopes that they’ll grow, but they never do.

I’m about to shit my pants at union square

Looking at other peoples’ phones on the train to make sure I’m checking mine right

Haha nice restlessnites.com/events/icanste…

Why is JoJo Siwa singing like Carol Channing

First, they came for Grok. and I did not speak out because I was not Grok. Then they came from Elmo and I said nothing because I was not Elmo—

I wish my PrEP came as chewy vitamin gummies I’d be eating them all day long 😔