eyebrow dandruff season

mentally i’m as ill as they come

microwave instructions are for pussies

something oddly comforting about the sound of jerry seinfeld’s voice and a bass guitar

the sudden craving for an oreo mcflurry

step 1: start a glow stick company step 2: call it Glow Job

i don’t think karma is the bitch that everybody has been claiming her to be, i personally like the woman

i think having a commercial of someone trying to light a cigarette on the Hindenburg would make for a great anti-smoking psa

i laugh when someone mixes up the words in their sentences because i am insecure about the fact that i might have disfluencies and possible dyslexia

The Fellas

no two people have the same looking brita filter

man asmr really gets my dopamine centers firing

women and their gigantic water bottles… and they say size doesn’t matter

kid cudi is the angel on my right shoulder and kanye is the devil on my left

Happy April Tools Day

yark ima get a handful of my dog’s cheeks when i walk by

i don’t want her unless she got scoliosis

it’s like when you wake up before 6, the whole worlds objective is to piss you off

you can’t wear a wife beater if you look like a wife beater

Her Loss