Taco bell: Live más. me: IM TRYING

nobody better lay a finger on my butterfinger (ง'̀-'́)ง ...it triggers the detonation

the only Karen that gets a pass tbh

Saturday night, at a jazz club on Sunset with Leonard Maltin... peak classy #LA

Sugar Ray Romano

two wrongs don't make a right- but two bras DO make a shirt, I don't make the rules.

overheard at the bowl just now- "Martes is the new Viernes!""

my dad: I'm bringing a birthday cake for you! me: for the 1,000th time, I love you, but I don't like cake... my dad: yeah but it's tradition. me: ... ... well you got me there I guess

I made this tweet into a reel on instagram and it has 9k views. that's 1,000 views per word. anyway, please follow me on twitter

Elon musk likes vanilla Tootsie Rolls the best #FreeSpeechAbsolutist

UCB Sunset tanked so hard it shut down the Food 4 Less across the street

Hamburger helper?- howboutchu Hamberger help ME?

Guys- women r great

Hey! for those of you going to Coachella from L.A. this weekend, here's some tips! 🫠 1. take sunscreen! 2. please never come back!!

accidently logged out of instagram so I guess I'm a twitter guy now

oh jk its working now... see ya later Elon- this was fun