yeah no worries man you just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath but otherwise it was a cool evening

arguably one of the funniest ways to ask for a bird ID

bug twitter

when you really think about it its not actually illegal for me to turn off my phone and never speak to anyone ever again. i mean there will be consequences but technically i can just do that. i might do that

It's Burrito Wednesday, so let's sing the Burrito Wednesday song! 🎵 It's Burrito Wednesday It's Burrito Wednesday Today is Wednesday We're making burritos today It's Burrito Wednesday 🎵

how in the living fuck are people taking showers longer than 5-10 minutes every single day. 15 if youre really stinky. how do you need a 30 minute shower

saw this guy eating a mushroom off the ground ???? chat is he allowed to do that

i almost committed a terrible crime shopping at aldi yesterday bc one of my regular customers from work came up behind me while i was elbow deep in the cheese cooler and decided the best way to say hello was to Touch The Back Of My Neck ???

sometimes i'll get a rejection from a publication and then i'll read the next few things they publish and i'm like oh i know why they rejected me. they have bad taste

who wants to come hang out and kick our big feet up and not care one bit about the mess of socks and shoes on the floor. who wants to come over and have that chill confidence that comes from being tight with your bros, just soaking in the frat life

2 full months on T my voice is getting so deep and gravelly but i still have the face of an actual baby its so insane im like if an old man and a baby had a baby im like if a old man was a baby im like if a baby got old

lowkey if I was given a pen I'd only draw the bars of my cage

using nextdoor to help my parents out with something and it's making me further removed from reality each minute i spend there

ive had my tongue pierced long enough now that ive learned to expertly speak and eat around it to where i barely know its there. but also sometimes if im eating a really good philly i will suddenly chomp down on straight titanium and almost shatter a tooth

my most white trash trait is not the upbringing or the accent or the bass fishing or the snake belt buckle or the propensity for bud heavys. my most white trash trait is that, more than anything in this world, i want a full rattlesnake tattoo down my spine from neck to asscrack.

pointed to one of these and said “i bet gonzo goes here thinking it’s a strip club” to mr poyo and he didn’t get it so i had to explain to him how the muppet gonzo is sexually attracted to chickens