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cauliflower doesn’t deserve you heathens.

oh him!? he’s just my emotional support ex

hey do you wanna hangout in my dreams tonight

the anxious to avoidant pipeline

I’m here to make no sense and be right about shit.

Not sure if anyone cares on here, but I've been sober 5 years today from exercising.

If the one you trusted most was full of shit, they are all full of shit

I’d rather be lost in a book.

I wish this nuclear war would start already

My whole TL is almost all cats. I’m not mad about it.

I'm often mistaken for an adult because of my age

Can't. Practicing to not murder anyone.

I’m going to the zoo today if you guys want anything.

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

Can I get you a refill on your coffee?

women are always one “it’s fine” away from being on dateline.

Women dealing with underboob sweat all summer are the real heroes

Why watch casting couch, when you can read casting couch

Me: I'll never forget you soulmate! Him: Ma'am, you still have to pay for the pizza.