The thing about me is that I’m able to drink while pregnant. Like I get drrrruuuunk. And I still give birth to the serve

unpopular opinion: i hate interludes on albums or “songs” that are like 30 seconds.. waste of a good potential track smh

nicole kidman the past 10 years:

she breaks up with ethan and starts dating him after

7 years of 5 in the morning.

“One of My Bedbugs Ate My Pussy” 6/9

me at the rude gastroenterologist office:

shayne austin lazarus cosme

🫦

🚨 MILEY CYRUS IS NOW ALLOWED TO SING HANNAH MONTANA SONGS! "After I left Disney, I wasn't allowed to perform any of the Hannah Montana music… but after being inducted as a Disney Legend, I was given permission to perform those songs in the future, which is pretty cool."

good i hate this song ♡

when a witch turns me into a bunny and my owner tries to feed me carly rae jepsen pellets

me trying to impress roomba trade

lady at the bar told me (the pre-batched) espresso martini i made her was the best she ever had

At McDonalds being misunderstood

my only bar custie just asked me where all the girls are at and if i “chased all the pussy away”