Why do so many people pronounce pasta like “paw-sta?” What are you trying to prove?

I need bacon to come in zipped packaging. Why is that so hard

Living in a world where my mother has a better phone than me but doesn’t know how to use it

Wearing running shoes to the Beyoncé concert bc I’m a mom now and my instinct is comfort / convenience

Sorry when did deodorant become $13

The amount of food my infant is able to eat without teeth is both impressive and terrifying

Can’t even begin to describe the relief of not being a Taylor Swift fan right now.

Songs from Les Mis > classic lullabies for my 10 month old. Hope it doesn’t mess him up too much

Came across a recipe for blackberry and grape gazpacho…. So, a smoothie?

10 am is literally 2 pm when you have kids, iykyk, I don’t make the rules.

Survived hand foot and mouth, daylight savings and a 7 hour power outage in one week. November is chill

Kim Kardashian leaving the Usher concert early for a spray tan, and telling him. God bless

Few things bring me more joy than when my husband asks me to explain a meme to him.

I sold one thing on FB marketplace and think I have a full fledged side hustle now

Taking your toddler to Costco is an Olympic event. We did not make the podium.

I know I’m getting older because the cashew AirPod jokes get me every time.

A guy bleaching his hair is the equivalent of a woman getting bangs. They’re going through something, it’s rarely good.

Man, I just want to be this guy. Even for a day.

Buying myself the viral fruit bowl to feel something.

People who get sushi at the airport truly dgaf