my girl sprays this into my enclosure when i tweet good

I get irrationally angry anytime I accidentally see anything related to Wonka. I can’t explain why, I just hate it.

Racing 2 classes (4 motos) in 100 degree heat tomorrow 🫡 I might not make it 😭

You guys are bullying me everyday until you bring back beyond meat.

me when i fart

Omg what

In my happy place (eating a pickle)

Can’t wait

How I’m going to be tomorrow watching Unbroken and Suicide File tomorrow

Seeing Unbroken was sick but the fact that the singer was wearing a disc golf polo was even sicker.

I thought you had to JO with another dude to charge your crystals?

Best stage banter of Indecision Fest was when Suicide File guy said, “if you’re on the stage and not in the band, now is a good time to get off”

I feel like everyday I see an article titled “man is killed in Tesla after it entered self destruct mode” and the replies are all guys saying, “ok yeah but if he actually read the entire instruction manual he would have seen you just needed to disable that feature before driving”

$10 million or a chance to wait this table?

As I reported on ESPN Chicago just now… the shooting at Guaranteed Rate Field during a #WhiteSox game was indeed an accidental discharge by one of the women “grazed” by the bullet. She reportedly snuck the gun in past metal detectors hiding it in the folds of her belly fat.

He gone

Think I’m going to delete my twitter. Please follow on ig if you want to stay in touch.