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Dressing up as the scariest thing ever for Halloween this year Feelings

Hot milfs in my area? I don’t care How about good friends who wanna grab a drink later in my area?

People who wear shirts like this always end up actually being racist

There’s so much more to life than getting fucked up all the time Sometimes you gotta get fucked up and play video games too

Dozens of women flood my DMs every time I mention that I play video games in my free time Just gonna have to start keeping certain parts of my life private I guess

Normalize giving me your HBO Max login information

I have a feeling 2041 is gonna be my year

I noticed you didn’t put “haha” at the end of your text I guess you just fucking hate me

Whenever a Facebook post starts with “we the people” it’s about to be ridiculously racist

You’re in her DMs I’m at the bar explaining the transitional period between the Clovis culture and Folsom culture in North American prehistory to her She doesn’t care and hates me

Please don’t set Christmas trees on fire because it makes Christianity look metal as fuck which it’s not

Beginning of the pandemic: what if I used this opportunity to learn how to make bread? Present day: following one cats daily account is not enough I need to follow more accounts so I can see more cats daily

I just noticed this barista’s name is “Chylsee” and I almost poured hot coffee on myself

The masculine urge to chime in on the discussion when listening to a podcast

Thinking about getting my master’s degree in chilling and hanging out

Can’t believe her phone has been dead for weeks this is crazy

I need at least 3-5 business days after every social outing to get over feeling embarrassed about everything I said and did before I’m ready to go out again

Wish someone would invent some kind of time warp thing so I can spend 10 hours a day consuming media without losing any actual time

Netflix is great at having exactly one thing worth watching so I don’t cancel my subscription

Whenever I’m not tweeting I’m hanging out with very interesting and beautiful women I just wanted you guys to know that