Fall is very excited for those of us who don’t sleep all summer due to the melting of all categories including sleeping and waking

You can cure insomnia by sleeping with your head at the foot of your bed. You just cannot let anyone see you sleep that way. They will wrongfully believe that you’re becoming crazier

a 20-something girl with a mouthful of gum is trying to convince you that Freudian stage theory needs to be expanded to include a secondary oral stage that is actually the highest stage in psychosexual development

met my PI wearing black and navy to signal that I’m passionate about science NOT fashion

I don’t want to be a sellout but I hope you’ll forgive me when I monetize my Twitter because I’m about to spend $5 to do a single load of laundry

What if I eat 10 eggs daily but they’re quail eggs?

I didn’t even separate lights and darks. I’m going to cry bc I know my mother would be disappointed in me

Maybe someone can send me a washboard?

The future of dating is probably just dating your friend’s brother

My extended neotenous period means I will be a better grownup than those of you with more rushed maturations

I thought that I couldn’t make friends in Rochester but it was only because I was focused on socializing with my “peers” and not the 31-year-old Scandinavian woman in my communist yoga class

This might be my last leisurely weekday morning ever

I have to answer hard questions in order to obtain accutane to manage silly chemo side effect

23 is much younger than 18

The crossbody briefcase is very emasculating

You don’t need drugs to sleep in a normal position at a normal time. You need to meticulously scrub your bathroom floor with a toothbrush.

Told my philosophy professor that he looks like zizek but friendlier and I don’t think he took it as a compliment. I will continue to torment him to entertain myself

Textbooks are still important for girls who behave badly during lecture

Sorry I haven’t been posting much. Being a Mayo midwit is incredibly demanding

If you don’t socialize after work and don’t sleep either but instead watch French cinema is that considered a French immersion program for resume purposes?