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We gained an hour on Sunday, but it took me an hour to reset all the clocks, so... I'm pretty much even. #DaylightSavingTime #daylightsavings

Can't wait until I'm old enough to start saying "the Walgrins" when I'm talking about Walgreens.

I can't believe someone is remixing this song already!? It just came out in like [checks notes] 2004.

Miranda: I think you're overwatering all of our houseplants and drowning them. Me: Not all of them. I've been watering the ones in the bathroom too and they look great. Miranda: Those are plastic. Me: And they're thriving!

I just got offered an upgrade,  but I was already in first class, so... I think I might be flying this plane to Portland!?!

You know an entertainer spends a lot of time on ships when they refer to any other work as a "land gig".

Me: This week is garbage. Miranda: Honestly, I think with all of the challenges and stress we've had, you've handled everything pretty well. Me: What? Miranda: What? Me: The city is collecting trash this week.

Other schools: We encourage our students to settle their differences through responsible conflict resolution focusing on mediation and restorative justice. My kids' school:

Medford, OR this weekend!

Our copper cans are ready for you! What else is new this week? Wednesday is Bubble Brain Trivia with @saltpdx 7pm & 8pm. Thursday, we have comedian @tylerboeh taking the Integrity Beer stage at 7pm. 18+ $10. Friday, The Fabulous Deck Boys join us for live acoustic tunes at 7pm.

Of course I'm going to put all this laundry away... eventually. I just need to leave it on the bed long enough for my wife to see.

I'm excited to announce that my second Dry Bar Comedy Special, "Upgraded" is now officially released!! It's available now on Dry Bar Comedy+ and It will gradually be released on other platforms like Youtube, Amazon Prime, and Sirius XM. I can't wait for you all to watch!

The best part about flying home to Portland is that you don't have to find your gate number. Just walk through the terminal until you see people doing yoga in a boarding area. That's your gate.

I don't even consider it a DIY project until I've scraped all of the skin off of at least one of my knuckles.

NEXT WEEK: @biggersam67 ("Bob & Tom Radio Show") will be here 🎟️ August 20 🎟️ + Tyler Boeh (FOX's "Laughs") returns on 🎟️ August 24 🎟️! Get your tickets now: bit.ly/2Cw2wci

When do you think we'll develope the technology to make a zipper that won't wake up the entire campground every time you need to enter or exit your tent?

Strongly considering moving to a nudist colony just to get a break from all this laundry.