Some guy in shul this morning thought it would be hilarious to blow a shofar after the seventh hakafah but then all the walls fell down.

This is the first thing they give you at ulpan after making aliyah 🤌

My seven year old just very sincerely told my wife that she's genuinely afraid that the goy is gonna come into our house on Pesach and eat all her candy. Not if I get to it first 😈

Jews don't have the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, or Santa. We have the goy who comes into your house and eats your candy if you don't behave.

And that, rabboisai, is how you get rid of your shaimos before Pesach 😉

Greasy avreich: "nono, I b'shita don't look at anything inside artscroll"

"I know a guy, he happens to be my cousin, he can get you 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘤𝘦 as much for your chometz"

Her: I wonder if he ever thinks about other women. Is that what he's thinking about now? Why doesn't he ever share anything with me...? Him: My chavrusa told me a joke today and said hamavin yavin at the end, but I didn't chap and I can't ask him to explain it....

I've been saying it wrong my whole life 😱

Why is Shem's shem Shem?

A sign on the sefer Torah on Simchas Torah that says "Be Kind, Please Rewind"

GE Filter

Still think Roger Waters isn't antisemitic? Who's the only one covering his eyes with the 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥?!?!

Haman: "you hang up first" Mordechai: "No, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 hang up first..."