Player: Why do you keep beating me on the river?!??!? Me: Because I don't like you.

Forget all of these. Just quote Rounders and do your best Russian accent. x.com/gottatalkpoker…

#wcw is for like the 5th time Jennifer If I'm dealing this hand J5off holds up 100%

#tbt to a time when it wasn't cool to blame the dealer..... wait did that time ever happen?

It's ok if you shower before you come to the casino

You must work in cocktails x.com/BakedElle/stat…

"I flopped the joint so I check raised donkey in seat 5..... " I can understand people with Tourette syndrome easier

"I play a lot like Phil Ivey." -- Player on the 2/4 limit game.

Player 1: Don't call out the bets Me: ... Player 2: *Bets 1500* Me: Bet Player 1: *Throws in 6k* Me: Raise Player 1: What?? I didn't know!!

Next player in seat 1 who tries to look in my toke box is getting slapped. How about you open your wallet.

I'm back

Player: Super System says any two cards can win. (As I'm pushing him his $8 pot that he won with 82off from the bb, no raise.)

In honor of #BackToTheFuture someone tip me with a #PepsiPerfect

#wcw the amazing Liv Boeree I'd frame a dollar toke from her. good god

You know why they call it a Mississippi straddle? Because it's stupid.

Player 1: I just play based on feel. Player 2: Well there's odds to consider. Player 1: I don't worry about that bullshit.

The fastest way to a dealer's heart is thru his toke box.

Player: Where's the drink girl? Haven't seen her in an hour. Me (what I'm thinking): SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP! DIE!!! DIE!!!

Haven't posted in a while. Just got out of prison. I mean work.

On 2/4 limit during the flop. Me: Bets 2. Player: How much is the bet? Me: 2. Player. Oh I fold. This is why I drink.