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While shops/restaurants close in small towns around Ontario due to what is happening in GTA,it’s worth reminding the public our elected MPs and MPPs who refuse to stand up for their counties and separate us from the GTA/prevent their travel here, are still collecting their salary

“Prolly be in lockdown till the May24 weekend boys.Don’t worry, I’ll open er up just before then so me and the fellas from the city can swarm them cottage towns again like last year.Hate doing it, but fuck I need a chip truck hotdog like ya wouldn’t believe” Doug Ford, probably

Extensive THNA research has shown that the only people dumber than vaccination conspiracy theorists are those who post about it on social media thinking they will change minds. Helmets and drool bibs are recommended for both

For fairness,THNA will show both sides of arguments.Opinions fromTHOUSANDS of doctors, nurses,and scientists who inform us of dangers of COVID and the benefits of vaccines,as well as that dude you from highschool with who hangs fake nuts from his truck and failed woodshop somehow

A new study indicates a person's immune system is 99.7% likely to fight off covid-19 if they've ever swam in the Trent River.

Local man who believed Adulterer and Reality TV Star Donald Trump’s claims that hydroxychloroquine and bleach cured COVID now seems skeptical of the vaccines encouraged and developed by every single leading doctor and scientist in the fucking world.

The local elderly will bitch about how rude the youth are then get in their car, drive 15km/h under the speed limit holding people up, then take up 2 occupancy spaces at the grocery store

Local man tries to convince anti-masker & anti-vax friend they are wrong, but realized he would have to start teaching them basic 3rd grade lessons and work their way up.. quoted - “I just don’t have the fucking time”

Traffic Consultant - “We solved the problem with the traffic on the bridge! Just gotta leave the lights for the bridge green for 95% of the time. Grand Road will be backed up halfway to Brighton but fuck it, right?” TH&Northumberland County-“absolutely! Do you take cash?”

Local 30 year-old man still waiting to “find his thing” youtu.be/OX6qUFm1HsI

New Trent Hills By-law: If you get married on a long weekend, you are legally required for your wedding to have an open bar. Fines range between $10,000 and 2 years imprisonment

Local man who has never watched a soccer game in his life currently pleading with boss saying he needs to watch the gold medal match in the morning, knowing full well he will be sleeping through it hungover #threedayweekend

With the new Pizza Hut coming to town be sure not to miss the new Pfizer infused stuffed crust pizza.

THNA caught up with local restaurant owner to discuss the vaccine passports being introduced in Ontario: “It’s great! By not having to serve the anti-vax crowd we will save tons of time and money no longer having to clean up their drool and replacing the crayons they eat”

THNA investigative reporters have learned in addition to several criminal charges faced by those arrested at Ottawa protests, they will all also be required to finally finish their grade 10 science. “Oh I’m completely hooped then” one protester was heard saying at arraignment.

Be sure to purchase a Ukraine flag off Amazon to support Jeff bezos.

Fun Fact: The township with the cheapest average gas prices in all of Canada is actually Warkworth

THNA Analysis: American Voters - nothing changes, Rep/Dem are the same; neither care about guns in schools, protecting women’s rights, or bankruptcy from medical bills Ontario voters - nothing changes, all parties are the same… but one wants to put in a new road or something?

The great thing about the Canadian government allowing companies to become monopolies in the market place is when just two of them are in shambles (Rogers/Air Canada ), more than 50% of communication services and cross country travel is completely, utterly, fucked. #freemarket

The NHL season is just around the corner and CBC Sports TSN & Sportsnet are pleased to announce they will be showing even MORE gambling ads(even cutting down on game footage) as they continue to cram this life-destroying &highly addictive habit down Canadian’s throats