You thought you had problems, this poor bastard has more money than God and he can't find a freak to suck his dick on the moon.....

You tired, you feel the flu coming on, its cold out, a parakeet bit you, your pussy hurts.........Its Thursday cocksuckers get out there and let these motherfuckers know that you're going for the jugular today!

It would make the private insurance companies very, very angry if you retweeted this.

the plan? create a virus that infects the population in order to increase hand sanitizer sales

The Republicans that talk about needing guns to fight a tyrannical government are pretty fucking quiet right now.

Just in case y’all forget..

Comedy doesn’t get any better than this!

folks are really ok with letting capitalism destroy everything cuz they think there’s still a chance they’ll become doug dimmadome owner of the dimmsdale dimmadome

You don’t actually have to tell anyone about your baby’s bits, like, what are they gonna do with that information, it doesn’t make any difference, it’s a baby

SWEET CAROLINE BAH BAH BAH GO FUCK YOURSELF

I condemn white supremacy. damn that was easy to say

Giant Douche or Turd Sandwich?

Realizing it's four bands not three

damn shawty ok

It is a bit fucked up people are like “Fighting in Europe, Gasp!” when we’ve been killing brown kids playing soccer for years. BUT Joy Behar doesn’t want to vacation in Pakistan.

I'm currently in Kyiv, hoping to interview President Zelenskyy and many other Ukrainian people from all walks of life. Please retweet to show support & to help make it happen. Love you all. - Volodymyr Zelenskyy / Володимир Зеленський, Ukraine / Україна Офіс Президента - Dmytro Kuleba, MFA of Ukraine 🇺🇦 - Klitschko, Kyiv. The City of Courage

A daughter explains why her Mom can’t seem to find and keep good workers at her small business.