I retire from enjoying football.

done my last shift at the pub

Take all their union jacks and stitch them together to make a giant sail, stick it on top of a raft made of industrial bins, wish these lads all the very best and send them into the Atlantic for pastures new.

I think the main barrier for me with writing lyrics is that if I wrote 'over and over and over and over, like a monkey with a miniature cymbal' I would feel like I'm being really really stupid

I've had about 100 bots follow me in the last couple months how do I get this to stop

The BBC sound effects library is now completely free to access. This is news. sound-effects.bbcrewind.co.uk/search?cat=Mac…

I love that you can pick a random british lad with a mullet off the street and he'll be a better DJ than 90% of edm festival headliners

I am once again going to Bangface in my knitted jumpers and plaid shirts looking like a member of the foals. they don't understand me, my love for donk. I'll show em

The substance

Threw up in the cinema toilet after typing this

sorry to toot my own horn but this went so hard on.soundcloud.com/CKM9UfEoGrBy2G…

i don't trust the guy from Sports Team

this is the only tweet i ever made that famous designer David Rudnick liked

a nice pee in the middle urinal. I better check my phone

I often think about how 'never ever kill yourself' was the last truly great tweet this website had before it died

One of my biggest assets is that I have a high spice tolerance but I'm not really really annoying about it

Go to america