Replace the National Anthem with EAT THAT KITTY IN THE HIDEAWAY, you cowards.

Never met a Nespresso coffee machine I haven’t immediately broken. 🥰

Just said “good boy” to the spider that stayed in his spot in the corner while I was in the shower and couldn’t keep an eye on him.

I have thus far spent $38 getting cheese delivered to my house and the day is still young.

Still haunted by the time I ordered a not insignificant amount of Taco Bell for myself because ya girl was hungry and those fools gave me EIGHT sporks.

Ohhhh the Oregon coach is hot!!

Mike Tomlin lookin’ extra snacky in the motherland.

The 2-2 Chicago Bears

The orange cream freeze from Taco Bell is very good! Thank you, king.

My love language is making people food but it often gets confused for my hate language because I’m so bad at cooking.

These Steelers uniforms might be the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Hey Jack in the Box I am convinced your monster mozzarella stick is a myth because every time I try to order it with my Monster Munchie Meal they give me an egg roll instead. 🥺🥺🥺🥺

No longer need to eat actual food because I will now be subsisting only on the fact that someone walked up to me and told me I remind them of Rosamund Pike in GONE GIRL yesterday.

Nearly vomited watching this Bears game!

Someone tell me not to immediately buy everything from the Taco Bell x hollisterco collab line.

This Indiana team is full of fucking dorks.

I’ll be sitting here watching the saddest commercial I’ve ever seen in my life and at the end of it you realize they’re just trying to sell you a fucking Subaru.

“The Colonel lived so we could chicken” is a commercial slogan that is currently haunting me, plz do something KFC.

Soooo many ugly ass NFL uniforms this year, my lanta.