Millennials telling their grandkids about cursive in the year 2067

I can never trust a link sent by a friend

Do the French still smoke cigarettes on the toilet? Seems classy. Like European type of classy.

Dock Ellis threw a no hitter on LSD but I can’t take the trash out after an edible

You know things are bad when Americans know the names of MULTIPLE world leaders

David Beckham doc is great. As I’m not a European, (physically too strong to be even if I wanted to) I didn’t realize how good Beckham was. Makes me want to go rough about on the pitch with the lads

The year is 2067. Millennials telling their grandkids about smoking weed in the early 2000s

The Cocktail menus at modern restaurants look like 14th century recipes for Witch’s brew

What do you do when ThoughtBot shows up at your door?

Advice from an old friend: "Whenever you're nervous about something, remember Never Nervous Pervis". Today, I pass that advice to you 🏀 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pervis_El…

Top 3 motivational quotes from my HS football Coach from back in the day (2006) 1. “Drop your cocks & pull up your socks it’s time to play some ball!” 2. “My son could do this & he has down syndrome!” (he could & he does) 3. “They’re men, with tattoos! You’re boys, with tits!”

Ideal fitness level: Nimble as a bison, shredded like cheddar

New England Donna is DONE with sugar

My brain snapping out of a dream to guide my blind, half-asleep body to the bathroom in the middle of the night

Ordering a coffee in Miami takes 175% more time than anywhere else in the country. Service in the Northeast reigns supreme. Hand over the coffee and let’s move baby.

If you're not partying and tossing all your tea in the garbage tonight 7PM-10PM EST you can no longer post about politics.

The first year of being a new Dad has many different stages. I’m currently in the “Prepping for an apocalypse” stage. I watched one video and 48 hours later I own 75 day’s worth of powdered milk and a hand crank radio.

If you watch Good Morning America with your eyes closed it sounds like it’s written and performed by AI. Doesn’t help that Al Roker moves like an animatronic from Chuck e Cheese.

Boomers are the least hydrated generation in human history.

If a neighbor in my building doesn’t return the silent "hello head nod", I take it as a personal offense and will challenge him to a duel