Interior Secretary Deb Haaland being sworn in this morning in traditional tribal dress and moccasins

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I'm real drunk and accidentally opened Twitter instead on tiktok. Hi y'all. How are you?

Oh hey friends. Go vote for Mulberry please. It's my friend's restaurant and also Bar Bill sucks.

It’s #InternationalWomensDay so I am going to tell my pay gap story and it is so wild you may have a hard time believing it. It involves money and SPERM and It’s 100% True,no embellishments. & not the worst thing that happened to me at that job, which is the wild part. (Con’t)

What's that? Political circus on TV? Guess it's time to re-download Twitter!

So what are the guesses on who the White House Security Official is? Gimme the tea. #January6thHearing

I understand that the DOJ needed to pretty much know what they would find at MAL in order to execute that raid. They couldn't walk out and say "oops nothin' there!" But Merrick is big mad and made me feel guilty for ever thinking otherwise. I'm sorry, Mr. Garland, I trust you 😭

Finished an interview a bit ago, guy mentioned he used to live in Oklahoma City and would go down to Texas for the better beer. I had sudden flashbacks to learning that outside of a liquor store in OKC with @Road_Block and co. I miss you nerds ❤️

Ignore Twitter for weeks, don't feel like doing work so open the app and this is one of the first things I see.

Hey Twitter, how's life? My October has been FUCKING WILD. Real good and real shitty so I am a trainwreck of emotions, how about you?

Brian Tyler Cohen Adam Frisch - Win The Center/Win Back Rural USA Hey Colorado Voters: If you have received a ballot rejection letter from your county clerk, you can fix it via text! Text ‘colorado’ to the SofS at 28683 and follow the prompts to fix any errors. Pass it on! #Voterizer

Oop guess we can change our names now? Or my third party twitter app is just smarter than Elon. I honestly think it might be that latter.

I legit threw my head back and cackled.

I started a new job yesterday. Clearly I'm doing it right since I'm trolling Twitter?

Let's use this Twitter thing for something useful, eh? I have confirmation that #Netflix a opening a "leadership ranch" for their executives. A fancy resort for only them. Fees went up earlier this year, resort is now in progress... Netflix thoughts?

And it begins... Texas has filed a bill that would make "consenting to gender affirming care" child abuse with prison sentences for parents. HB672 will mean a mass rounding up of trans kids if passed. It is the most horrifying piece of anti-trans legislation I've ever seen.

I don’t know what’s going on with Twitter right now but I’m just going to post some of my favorite pictures of the sled dogs that I have in my phone.

We're happy to report that zero Kias were stolen overnight!

Yeah actually I think that's it for me. MAGA can have the bird.